Tag: momgroups

FIVE

Raising Mighty Warriors

Naptime

When I wrote my last post, I had every intention of getting back into blogging regularly and being more consistent.  While my intentions were noble, I entered into a season in which naps (for myself) were non-negotiable.  In the past several months, I have been able to get all four of my boys to nap at the same time, only by the grace of God! While the oldest usually only rests for about 30-45 minutes, it’s enough time for me to get a quick cat-nap in and reset for the remainder of the day.

Let me tell you about the horrible mom-guilt I dealt with early on!  I allowed the enemy to convince me I was being lazy, that I didn’t deserve to take naps, that I should be folding laundry or cooking dinner, that my house wasn’t clean enough for me to take a half hour break for myself.  Early on, I wasn’t even able to fall asleep most days because of the guilt.

But in the midst of it all, I just felt I needed to rest.  Before the New Year, I was challenged by a friend and colleague to choose a word or phrase to focus on for the year.  I prayed about it and God very clearly gave me the phrase, “Be Still.”  I can’t count the number of times this phrase and passage from Psalms, “Be still, and know that I am God,” has been spoken to me since January (46:10).  I’ve heard it in sermons, talked about it in the moms group I’m in, read it in books, meditated on it in devotionals, and more.  My husband and sons gave me a necklace for my birthday with the words, “Be Still,” to help remind me to practice this discipline consistently.

So if God was asking me to nap, who was I to deny His will for me?! J I began saying a quick and simple prayer before lying down each afternoon asking God to give me the rest I needed and to restore me for the remainder of the day.  What a difference this made!  The guilt was lifted and I began feeling freed from that bondage.  Not only that, I was able to be a better mom and wife in the afternoons and evenings because I was refreshed and rested.

Another One on the Way

God knows exactly what we need when we need it, right? Right around the time that I began to nap without mom-guilt, I began feeling nauseous and having very specific cravings.  I knew right away that it could only mean one thing- I was pregnant with Baby Turner #5! God knew my body needed these naps!

I shared the news with my husband, but we waited until my 12-week ultrasound to share with our sons so that we could show them the pictures and they could hear the recording of the baby’s heartbeat.  They, of course, were ecstatic knowing they’re going to be welcoming another brother or sister to the family.

We could not be more excited to be growing our family and we love when others share in our joy and excitement!  We feel so blessed to be given another precious gift to raise in our home, and are humbled by God’s goodness and grace.  But can I be honest?  My husband and I are having a more difficult time sharing the news this time around than we have in the past.  And as I’ve processed it, I think it stems from many places.

My Hesitations

One, I am so aware of those around me suffering from infertility.  I have family and close friends who have struggled trying to have a baby and have received either a “no” or a “not yet” from God.  I pray for these families all the time and grieve with them because it’s just not fair.  And I know that every time I post a picture of an ultrasound and announce a pregnancy, they experience pain.  Not because they don’t feel joy for us or because they are jealous, but because they long to experience this for themselves.  I will never know what that feels like, and I hate knowing that this is what they go through time and time again. This is also so true for those who have lost children, in or out of the womb. I cannot imagine your pain!

Two, when you share news such as a pregnancy, you realize very quickly that many people do not have filters!  And before I go on, let me admit that I know in my heart of hearts that most people say things with good intentions and do not mean to come across as rude or disrespectful.  In fact, I’m sure I’ve made comments to people as well that came across to them as brash.  That being said, we’ve heard everything from “leave that women alone!” (said to my husband) to, “don’t you guys have a TV in your house?” I get it.  Five children is a lot in this day and age (especially in California), and people genuinely wonder how you can afford it, why you have them so close together, and when you’re going to be done having kids.  But my answer to all of this is God! And I don’t feel I owe any more of an explanation than that J

Third, because every person you tell immediately wonders if you’re, “hoping for a girl.”  And you know what? I’m not even sure.  On the one hand, I’d love to know what it’s like to have a daughter and experience that special bond.  But on the other hand, I adore my boys and I’ve always pictured myself with sons.  Again, we lean into God and trust that He knows exactly who our family needs.  Will we love spoiling a little sister? Absolutely!  But will we feel like something is missing if we have another boy? Absolutely not!  In fact, we’ll be thrilled to have a baby brother to love on and pass all the clothes and toys on down to J

His Work

But here’s the thing.  While it’s tough to share our news for the reasons mentioned above, it’s news we can’t keep to ourselves because this is God’s work, not our own, and we celebrate in the joy of His new creation.  Our baby is a child of God!  We thank him for what He’s doing in our lives and praise Him for the precious baby He is growing in me!  What a miracle it is!

So as I gave up my nap to write this today, I continue to be reminded to “Be still, and know that I am God.”  I am reminded that just like He created the baby growing inside of me, He created me.  I am reminded that I need not only physical rest, but also spiritual rest to be still and be in His presence.  And I am reminded that He is God and He shares in our joys and our sorrows.

I pray that those who experience the pain of infertility or infant loss find strength and hope in the Lord.  I pray that He gives me grace to respond in love to the un-filtered, yet well-meaning comments.  And I pray that the Lord gives my husband and me the grace, wisdom, and discernment necessary to raise another precious child to be a mighty warrior for Him.

Let’s raise His Mighty Warriors TOGETHER!

Covering Our Students in Prayer

Raising Mighty Warriors

Back to school season is upon us.  For some parents, this has been a long time coming, while for others like myself, the thought of a new school year makes us feel sick to our stomach.

School started for us last Monday. My husband has been back full-time at the high school and my oldest began Kindergarten.  While it’s been nice getting back into a routine, it’s sad that summer seemed to come and go in the blink of an eye!

So how did Kindergarten drop-off go?  Well, the first day was perfect.  We went as a family to see our oldest off.  He was excited and didn’t shed a tear (I can’t say the same was true of myself).  When I went to pick him up that day, he ran over to me and shouted, “school is fun!”  This was music to my ears, but was it too good to be true?  Well, kind of.  The days since then have, overall, gone well.  He’s shed some tears at drop-off but later tells me that he stops crying after “one minute.”  I’ve asked him who or what  makes him feel better after my husband or I say goodbye.  Some days, he tells me Jesus makes him feel better and it melts my heart!  Other days, he tells me he feels better when he starts singing “Uptown Funk” to himself.  Whatever works, right?!

It’s been tough on me sending him to new school this year, but I’ve found so much peace in prayer.  Each morning, my husband and I pray with our son.  I pray with him before he leaves, and my husband prays with him in the car as they drive to school.  I also pray for him throughout the day and have shared with our son that whenever I think about him during the day, I say a prayer that he’s having fun and learning new things.  He loves hearing this!

As we dive into this new school year, I wanted to share some of the prayers I pray over my son:

  • I pray for his safety and the safety of all those who work at and attend the school.
  • I pray for peace among the students.
  • I pray for him to have confidence to make new friends.
  • I pray he has the courage to try new things and learn from his mistakes.
  • I pray he experiences joy in learning.
  • I pray he is diligent in his work and has the desire to focus.
  • I pray he is obedient to his teacher and others in authority.
  • I pray he is able to discern what is of the Lord and what is not of the Lord and that he has the will to choose what is right.
  • I pray that he glorifies the Lord in his words, actions, and thoughts.
  • I pray that he sees those who are scared, lonely, or sad and encourages them.
  • I pray that he is kind to others and that others are kind to him.
  • I pray that he knows his identity in the Lord and is not concerned about what others think of him.
  • I pray he stands up for those who are being bullied.
  • I pray he respects and appreciates others and their cultures, beliefs, and traditions.
  • I pray that he remains enthusiastic in his faith and that his belief never wavers.
  • I pray that he senses the presence of the Lord with him throughout the day.
  • I pray that he puts on the full Armor of God each morning: the belt of truth, the chest plate of righteousness, the shoes of peace, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the spirit (from Ephesians 6:10-20).

In addition to these prayers for my son, I pray daily for the school, for the other students, and for the administration and staff.  I don’t have a specific prayer memorized and there are mornings when I forget to include a couple of these in my prayer.  However, I know that it gives me peace to have these words in my heart throughout the morning as my son is at school.  And I trust that these words will be imprinted on my son’s heart as he hears them repeatedly.

There are so many other things we can be specifically praying over our children for.  Let me know if there’s a prayer you include for your children.

For all of you who will be sending your children back to school in the coming days and weeks, please know my prayers are with you and your kids.  No matter if your children attend private, public, or homeschool, let’s cover them and those around them throughout the year!  They may not be in our hands during the school day, but we can take heart knowing that they are always in the precious hands of our Father!

Let’s raise His mighty warriors TOGETHER!

Parenting from the Deep End

Raising Mighty Warriors

I love summer!  I love that my husband has a few weeks off so we get to spend more time together as a family.  I love all the seasonal fruits and vegetables.  I love lounging by the pool, going to parks, roasting marshmallows over a campfire, and wearing flip flops (although living in California, I get to wear flip flops year-round)!  And swimming has always been one of my favorite summer activities.

I grew up going to our family cottage as well as other beaches and spending all day in the water.  But now that I have kids, gone are the days of mindlessly floating in the middle of the lake for hours. Instead, I usually have one baby in my arms and I’m close by the others who are still learning how to swim. Pool days are a little less relaxing and a lot more splashing!

The Deep End

It’s actually the very picture that sums up my life these days.  As a mom, I’ve traded in my personal time and space for being called on at all hours of the day (and night) and being followed around by my littles.  My time has become their time, and that’s a tough inner-battle to fight.  I naturally want to give all of me to my husband and my children, but I also want to have enough left for myself.  And it’s not a selfish thing to desire, but often guilt creeps in and makes it feel as if it is!  If you’re like me, you know what I’m talking about.

But I can’t keep parenting from the deep end.  I can’t allow myself to constantly feel as though I’m treading water as I attempt to keep up with our busy schedule.

You know the feeling?  It’s exhausting having all your energy depleted as you make meals, do the dishes, grocery shop, keep up with laundry, make deadlines at work, schedule doctor appointments, plan birthday parties, respond to emails, return phone calls, save time to bathe the kids before bed, and so much more!  And yet, what joy, if any, are we experiencing if that’s what our days have become?  And even more, what joy are we sharing with our kids if all they see is the mom who has a strict agenda to keep?

I’m over here raising my hand right now because I know I am so guilty of this. I’m guilty of telling my son I’m looking at what he drew only to have my eyes on my phone.  I’m guilty of standing in the kitchen triple-checking my to-do list instead of spending time on the floor with my baby.  I’m guilty of turning the TV on for the boys so I can fold a load of laundry without little hands unfolding what I just finished folding.  I’m guilty of yelling more times than I’d like to admit in a day because I’m taking my feelings of being overwhelmed out on my sons.

I’m sure we all go through seasons like this.  And it’s so difficult to keep the guilt from turning to shame.  But we can’t let ourselves go there.  Allow yourself to have an off day, week, or season.  Recognize it for what it is, give yourself some grace, and move on.  But don’t let yourself get stuck in that place!  Lean on your mom, sisters, or friends to help you through those times so that you don’t allow those seasons to define who you are as a mother.

Plans Change

When we returned from vacation a few weeks ago, I found myself in one of those seasons.  I was trying to play catch up after being away for a few weeks, and my to-do list was growing by the second with grocery shopping, paying bills, and cleaning.  Emotionally, I was down after leaving family and I found myself being very short with my boys.  Unfortunately for them, my frustration was coming without much warning or explanation. At the end of the days, I was frustrated with myself for yelling throughout the day and not showing them much patience.

After sharing my frustrations with my husband, I decided I’d plan a fun day with them and not worry about my to-do list.  Originally, I had planned to take them to the mall for Build-A-Bear’s “Pay Your Age Day,” but because that was a bust (luckily a woman in the mall parking lot told me not to even bother going in because of the long lines), I let them pick out a park to go to instead.  Everyone was having fun at the park until I heard my two year-old crying going down the slide.  I picked him up and held him until he started to relax.  But when I went to set him down, he started crying even harder and wouldn’t put any weight on his injured leg.  I knew immediately something wasn’t right.  Long story short, the x-rays showed a spiral fracture in his leg and into a cast he went.

While having a toddler with a broken leg has created many challenges for our family, it’s also slowed us down.  And frankly, we needed that right now.  My husband is back at work, my oldest is about to start kindergarten, and we just needed to relax for a bit together and have fun!  I’m not celebrating the injury, but I am celebrating the opportunity to slow our lives down and refocus our priorities.  In these last 10 days, I’ve been able to snuggle with my two year-old so much!  I’ve been able to help the older two boys be creative in finding games and activities to play with their injured brother.  We’ve gone on more walks which is something I had been wanting to get back into.

Taking Hold of Him

Luckily it doesn’t always take something traumatic to pull us out of a rough season.  Sometimes it’s something we read or a conversation we have.  Other times it’s a song we hear or an event we experience.  But in each circumstance I am confident that God is the orchestrator.  He sees us in the seasons we are proud of as well as the seasons we feel guilty about.  He sees us losing energy, treading water in the deep end as we try to do it all alone.  And He throws us a float.  God gracefully offers us a way out so that we can stand on firm ground, confident in who we are as a mother.

When we allow God room to work in our heart, we can fully experience the joy that comes from resting in Him.  What better gift can we give our children than the gift of sharing the joy of the Lord with them?  This comes by giving them our full attention when we say we’re listening, by having a good attitude about playing with them even when the timing is not ideal, by using a kind tone when we speak to them, and by loving them through their own daily battles.

I find that on the days when I choose to seek the Lord’s joy throughout the day, my sons are better behaved, I feel more energized, and everything else falls into place.  It doesn’t mean the day is perfect or that my sons do no wrong.  But it helps me see everything through a new lens and, therefore, find the beauty and good in each circumstance.  I’m able to laugh more and love better.

A few years ago, someone shared this quote with me, “Let go of the day you planned and embrace the one you’ve been given.”  What a wonderful change in perspective not only for a particular day, but also for particular seasons of life that aren’t going quite as we envisioned! My prayer is that we can all recognize where we are in this season and make necessary changes to allow God’s joy to overflow in us and radiate to others!

Let’s raise His Mighty Warriors TOGETHER!

When the Nest is Attacked

Raising Mighty Warriors

The Story

A few weeks ago, I noticed a mother and a father bird building a nest in our pergola.  I had a front row seat to their cooperative effort as I watched from our kitchen window whenever I was doing the dishes.

Let me interrupt this story for a second to let you know that I prefer an empty sink after each meal.  This means that I either load the dishes into the dishwasher or hand-wash the non dishwasher-safe items (which I try to limit these days) after breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  It’s just my routine and I prefer not to step out of it.  I note this to relay that I spend a lot of time at the sink throughout my day.

Back to my story…

I found it endearing to watch the mother and father “nest” and couldn’t help but think about each time we prepared to welcome one of our sons into our family.  So much time is spent making sure our hearts and our home are prepped for a little one.

Once the nest was completed, the mother rested and laid the eggs and the father came and went to check in.  In the meantime, my sons and I affectionately named the birds.  I chose Harriet for the mommy and they picked T’Challa (after the superhero Black Panther) for the daddy.

Like a dream, the eggs hatched on Mother’s Day.  I’ll be honest and say that I was somewhat obsessed with checking in on the family at this point without bothering them.  Other than my husband grilling a few times, we stayed out of the backyard to give them their space.  Cute, right?!

Over the last couple weeks, I’ve watched Harriet care for her babies so gently.  She only left to find food to bring back to the nest, allowed her babies to nuzzle under her wings, and kept a watchful eye on anyone or anything that she saw as a threat.  Again, this scene consumed me a little more than I’d like to admit considering I’m not especially an animal person and usually don’t like to be too close in proximity to birds.  I even went as far as Googling questions I had about birds in general.  Ask my husband, I love to Google, but even this was a little extreme for me.

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Meet Harriet and her babies (who are camouflaged in there). Please excuse the poor quality of the photo. I didn’t want to get too close to the nest so I zoomed in quite a bit.

This morning as I was washing the breakfast dishes, I gazed and daydreamed about watching the mother release these little birds to fly off.  I wondered if she would ever see them again and if the siblings would stick together.  (Yes, I know I’m crazy at this point). It was all so sweet….

Until it wasn’t.  This evening when I was making dinner, I realized that the birds were gone and the nest didn’t seem intact.  And there was a stray cat in our backyard next to some feathers.  I didn’t shed a tear, but I was pretty angry with the cat, who we can all assume is the suspect in this disaster.

I no longer would be able to witness the baby birds learn how to fly or see their happily ever after. We gently told the boys what we think might have happened (they seemed more intrigued than sad), and went on with our night.

But I can’t stop thinking about it!

Attacks to our nest

So where am I going with this depressing story?  Well, unfortunately, we all experience attacks on our nests.  The focus of these attacks are on our marriages, on our parenting, and on our relationships with others.  The attacks come in the form of comparisons on social media, bullying, and insecurities.  They come from our discontentment in a world where the Jones’ always seem to be doing something bigger and better.  They come from advertisements and media that desensitize us to sex and violence.

Before we even bring our babies home from the hospital, we dream.  We dream about what it’s going to be like to have a new son or daughter.  We dream about who they are going to be friends with, where they will go to school, and what hobbies they will enjoy.  We dream about taking them on their first trip and introducing them to our favorite places.

When we finally bring them home, we realize that these dreams seem so distant.  Because in the present, we receive opinions from everyone and their best friend, spoken and unspoken.  We see what other parents are doing as we scroll through Facebook and Instagram and begin to feel inferior about the choices we are making.  Are we doing too much?  Are we not doing enough?  Are we becoming THAT mom?

My kids are still young, but already I have the fears of when they begin to be more influenced by their friends from school.  And don’t even talk to me about when they get to the age of having their own phone or social media accounts!  There is so much yuck out there for them to be exposed to!  (I already have lots of conversations with God about these concerns of mine so that He can be prepared for my crazy when these days arrive…and so that I can work on laying my worries at His feet in the meantime.)

And, like I mentioned, it’s not just our parent-child relationships being attacked.  It’s our marriages because we no longer make time for each other.  It’s our families because we spend so much time passing each other by on our way to and from activities.  Our priorities slowly shift over time and before we know it, we’re all just roommates!

Self-Defense

So how do we fight these pervasive battles?  How do we prevent our nests from being torn apart?

We begin by tuning out the opinions of the world and focusing on the opinion of One.  The One that matters.  The One who sees us trying our best on the little sleep we’re getting.  The One who knows the child we are dealing with because He created that child and chose us to be the parents.  The One who equips us with everything we need to care for our children.  And the One who gives us grace in every moment to reset.

We do this by surrounding ourselves with other parents who we respect.  We find and rely on our mom tribe for care and support.  We turn off the TV and put our phones down to enjoy a family game night.  We find a babysitter and schedule a date night, or have a date night at home after the kids go to bed.  We monitor what our children are watching.  We intentionally seek out relationships with people who will encourage us in our walk.  We equip ourselves with Scripture to intentionally fight the attacks.  And we pray…a lot!

It’s worth fighting for

Our homes are sacred.  Our marriages are sacred.  And this is exactly why they are being attacked.  Can we make a pact to fight together for our homes, our marriages, our families, and our relationships?   Instead of focusing on the agendas of the media, opinions of others, and the expectations of the world, can we promise to focus on what’s best for us and our families, seeking first His will for our lives?

Poor Harriet didn’t have a fighting chance once her nest was attacked because she was alone.  She did the best she could to care for her babies.  But luckily for us, we are not in this battle alone.  We have a sovereign Father who is with us every step of the way.  And we have others around us who want to help us protect our nests.  Take heart knowing that when we look to the Lord and do the best we can do with what we have, we’ll be just fine.

I’d love to hear from you on how you protect your nest.  I enjoy hearing your experiences and trying out new things in our home.

Let’s raise His Mighty Warriors TOGETHER!

A word on social media:

I love social media for many reasons.  Living so far from my extended family, it’s a great way to “stay in touch” with relatives and friends, sharing pictures and stories.

But I also try to be aware of when it’s affecting me negatively.  When I notice I’m starting to compare myself to others and discontentment is creeping in, I take a break.  I highly recommend doing the same if you notice those feelings in yourself.

Who, Me?

Raising Mighty Warriors
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Tantrums

Tantrums.  Can we talk about tantrums for a second? That moment when you say no to a snack ten minutes after your child finished eating their breakfast, and now their world is falling apart?  It’s literally crumbling before your eyes as your toddlers throws himself on the floor and begins the most pathetic scene, screaming and crying and making every weird noise known to man.

I’m very familiar with this drama.  I’d love to say I only see it from my almost two year-old, but I’d be lying.  More often than not, my three year-old and five year-old throw these fits and it’s just too much for me.

I’ll be honest

Now I am NOT a parenting expert, nor do I claim to be!  I do have a masters degree in psychology, but if I’m being honest, a lot of the theories I learned in my schooling get thrown out the window when I’m in the midst of a parenting battle.  Like many of you, I’m a mom who is trying to do my best to, along with my husband, to raise our boys to be men after God’s own heart.

Easy, right?!? Bring them to church, pray with them, read them stories from the Bible, and that’s that.  I wish!  Those things, while still important, are relatively easy to check off the list.  What I’ve found to be the hardest part, is teaching them through my own actions.

Sometimes, my kids hear me yell at them.  It’s not my best example of kindness.  Sometimes, they see me roll my eyes at my husband.  That’s not the way I want them to treat their future spouse.  It’s not uncommon for me to be “busy” doing something and only half-listening to something they are trying to tell me.  I definitely don’t want them to respond that way when God is speaking to them.  I could go on and on.

My point is, so often we look at how we can change our kids.  We seek to find the problem in them and search for a way to fix it.  I do it too.  I’ve spent hours reading parenting books and Googling answers on how to combat whining.  But what God always points me back to, is myself and my own heart.

Wait, what?

Ouch, that’s a tough one to swallow.  It’s tough because I need to be reminded of my own attitude and character every day.  Actually, many times each day!  How I respond to my children, how I speak to my husband, and how I interact with strangers all set the stage for how my sons are going to respond in situations.  I have little eyes and ears on me at all times and trust me, they are watching and absorbing everything!

Every once in a while, I’ll hear my oldest son say something in a tone that I know he heard from me.  It stings!  But, it’s a learning opportunity for both of us.

So where’s the hope?

The hope in all of this?  God’s grace.  Knowing that He will use all of my mistakes for His good gives me peace at night.  That doesn’t mean I don’t have to give my fair share of apologies to my boys throughout the day, but it does mean I can have peace knowing that God is with me through it all and directing my paths as well as my sons’ paths.

I recently read a prayer for parents in this book that not only asked God for grace when we fall short as a parent, but also that our children forget our harshness in those moments.  I loved this prayer because kids seem to remember EVERYTHING!

“I often find myself on my knees in my kids’ room after they’ve fallen asleep on a “yelling day.”  Not only do I ask forgiveness from God for mistreating the beautiful gifts He has given me, but I also pray that my kids will forget my harshness.  I know that it’s only by God’s grace that I’m a parent, and I have to rely on that grace every day” (Mary in Turansky and Miller, 2017).

Bringing it back to the kids

Some of you might be wondering about those tantrums and other difficult behavior kids demonstrate.  Does this make it all okay?  Absolutely not!  It doesn’t let them off the hook for their misbehavior or excuse their disobedience.  That’s not at all my point.  We most definitely need to address our children’s heart issues and disobedience.  But we also need to look at where they might be learning it from and make some changes.

Again, I’m not an expert on this topic.  I’m only five years into this parenting role.  But I enjoy sharing my experiences and what God continues to show me through it.  I’d love to hear from you on what lessons God has taught you through your kids!

As always, let’s raise His mighty warriors TOGETHER!

NOTE: I would highly recommend “Good and Angry: Exchanging Frustration for Character…In You and Your Kids” by Scott Turansky, D. MIN and Joanne Miller, R.N., B.S.N..  The book is incredible and gives practical advice for changing bad habits in you and your kids. Check out the book here.

Turansky, S & Miller, J. (2017). Good and Angry: Exchanging Frustration for Character…In you and Your Kids. New York: Waterbrook Press.