Tag: momfriends

FIVE

Raising Mighty Warriors

Naptime

When I wrote my last post, I had every intention of getting back into blogging regularly and being more consistent.  While my intentions were noble, I entered into a season in which naps (for myself) were non-negotiable.  In the past several months, I have been able to get all four of my boys to nap at the same time, only by the grace of God! While the oldest usually only rests for about 30-45 minutes, it’s enough time for me to get a quick cat-nap in and reset for the remainder of the day.

Let me tell you about the horrible mom-guilt I dealt with early on!  I allowed the enemy to convince me I was being lazy, that I didn’t deserve to take naps, that I should be folding laundry or cooking dinner, that my house wasn’t clean enough for me to take a half hour break for myself.  Early on, I wasn’t even able to fall asleep most days because of the guilt.

But in the midst of it all, I just felt I needed to rest.  Before the New Year, I was challenged by a friend and colleague to choose a word or phrase to focus on for the year.  I prayed about it and God very clearly gave me the phrase, “Be Still.”  I can’t count the number of times this phrase and passage from Psalms, “Be still, and know that I am God,” has been spoken to me since January (46:10).  I’ve heard it in sermons, talked about it in the moms group I’m in, read it in books, meditated on it in devotionals, and more.  My husband and sons gave me a necklace for my birthday with the words, “Be Still,” to help remind me to practice this discipline consistently.

So if God was asking me to nap, who was I to deny His will for me?! J I began saying a quick and simple prayer before lying down each afternoon asking God to give me the rest I needed and to restore me for the remainder of the day.  What a difference this made!  The guilt was lifted and I began feeling freed from that bondage.  Not only that, I was able to be a better mom and wife in the afternoons and evenings because I was refreshed and rested.

Another One on the Way

God knows exactly what we need when we need it, right? Right around the time that I began to nap without mom-guilt, I began feeling nauseous and having very specific cravings.  I knew right away that it could only mean one thing- I was pregnant with Baby Turner #5! God knew my body needed these naps!

I shared the news with my husband, but we waited until my 12-week ultrasound to share with our sons so that we could show them the pictures and they could hear the recording of the baby’s heartbeat.  They, of course, were ecstatic knowing they’re going to be welcoming another brother or sister to the family.

We could not be more excited to be growing our family and we love when others share in our joy and excitement!  We feel so blessed to be given another precious gift to raise in our home, and are humbled by God’s goodness and grace.  But can I be honest?  My husband and I are having a more difficult time sharing the news this time around than we have in the past.  And as I’ve processed it, I think it stems from many places.

My Hesitations

One, I am so aware of those around me suffering from infertility.  I have family and close friends who have struggled trying to have a baby and have received either a “no” or a “not yet” from God.  I pray for these families all the time and grieve with them because it’s just not fair.  And I know that every time I post a picture of an ultrasound and announce a pregnancy, they experience pain.  Not because they don’t feel joy for us or because they are jealous, but because they long to experience this for themselves.  I will never know what that feels like, and I hate knowing that this is what they go through time and time again. This is also so true for those who have lost children, in or out of the womb. I cannot imagine your pain!

Two, when you share news such as a pregnancy, you realize very quickly that many people do not have filters!  And before I go on, let me admit that I know in my heart of hearts that most people say things with good intentions and do not mean to come across as rude or disrespectful.  In fact, I’m sure I’ve made comments to people as well that came across to them as brash.  That being said, we’ve heard everything from “leave that women alone!” (said to my husband) to, “don’t you guys have a TV in your house?” I get it.  Five children is a lot in this day and age (especially in California), and people genuinely wonder how you can afford it, why you have them so close together, and when you’re going to be done having kids.  But my answer to all of this is God! And I don’t feel I owe any more of an explanation than that J

Third, because every person you tell immediately wonders if you’re, “hoping for a girl.”  And you know what? I’m not even sure.  On the one hand, I’d love to know what it’s like to have a daughter and experience that special bond.  But on the other hand, I adore my boys and I’ve always pictured myself with sons.  Again, we lean into God and trust that He knows exactly who our family needs.  Will we love spoiling a little sister? Absolutely!  But will we feel like something is missing if we have another boy? Absolutely not!  In fact, we’ll be thrilled to have a baby brother to love on and pass all the clothes and toys on down to J

His Work

But here’s the thing.  While it’s tough to share our news for the reasons mentioned above, it’s news we can’t keep to ourselves because this is God’s work, not our own, and we celebrate in the joy of His new creation.  Our baby is a child of God!  We thank him for what He’s doing in our lives and praise Him for the precious baby He is growing in me!  What a miracle it is!

So as I gave up my nap to write this today, I continue to be reminded to “Be still, and know that I am God.”  I am reminded that just like He created the baby growing inside of me, He created me.  I am reminded that I need not only physical rest, but also spiritual rest to be still and be in His presence.  And I am reminded that He is God and He shares in our joys and our sorrows.

I pray that those who experience the pain of infertility or infant loss find strength and hope in the Lord.  I pray that He gives me grace to respond in love to the un-filtered, yet well-meaning comments.  And I pray that the Lord gives my husband and me the grace, wisdom, and discernment necessary to raise another precious child to be a mighty warrior for Him.

Let’s raise His Mighty Warriors TOGETHER!

Are We There Yet?

Raising Mighty Warriors

The Ride

“Are we there yet,” especially when spoken in a whiny, impatient voice, often gets on a parent’s very last nerve.  We all want to be there already, right?!?  If it was up to me, I’d be able to snap my fingers and we’d magically be teleported to whatever our destination might be.  No traffic.  No long car rides.  No messy car snacks.  I don’t want to be sitting in a car with my children any more than they do.  But if we want to get to our destination, we have to buckle up and enjoy the ride the best we can.

I’ve noticed that I often ask myself, “are we there yet?” when trying to navigate through a particular season.  More often than not, it’s in regards to wondering when a difficult phase one of my boys is going through will be over.  When will we finally move past this?  When will he finally learn to do that on his own?  At what age can I expect him to…?  I’m always looking ahead to when things might be a little easier.

Changing Seasons

But what I’ve come to realize is that as soon as one phase is ending, another one begins.  It makes sense knowing that there’s not a break in between Spring and Summer and more often than not, one season does not just abruptly stop for a new season to  begin (unless you live somewhere like Wisconsin where winter seems to slap you in the face before you even see it coming).  Seasons flow into each other.  Temperatures gradually increase or decrease, flowers slowly bloom in Spring, leaves slowly change colors in fall, and suddenly the look of everything around you is different.

When our five year-old started kindergarten last month, we found ourselves in a new season with our 3 ½ year-old son now being the oldest at home every morning.  I had been so focused on sending our oldest to kindergarten that I forgot about how this change would affect the other boys at home.  It’s changed the way our sons play together while big brother is gone, it’s changed their responsibilities, and it’s changed the sibling dynamics.

It’s been wonderful in so many ways to watch the younger ones step-up in the absence of their brother!  But there have also been some challenges.  I’ve been recognizing new aspects of their personalities come out and trying to adjust how I parent to each of them.  I’ve had to ease up some of my expectations because they aren’t able to help me in the same ways my oldest was able to when he was home.

Becoming the Student

Personally, I find myself in a new season as well.  I’m trying to intentionally be a student of each of my children.  I’m constantly trying to find what makes each of them feel encouraged and empowered.  I’m learning what frustrates them and trying to avoid the things that exasperate them.  I’m working to find ways to help them overcome their obstacles and find solutions to their problems.  But wow, this is tough work!  It takes intentionality, patience, and desire.  Some days I’m lacking in those areas and find it easier to just parent them how I want to parent them.  And those days are rough because I quickly learn that my way is not what they need.

God’s Design

It’s a beautiful thing that God designed each of my boys so differently.  And I’m humbled that he chose me to be their mommy.  But He doesn’t reveal to me their unique personalities just to impress me.  He allows me to see what makes each of them tick and then equips me to love on each of them the way they best receive it.  And in the moments when I choose to listen, He tells me just what each of my boys needs to hear throughout the day.  These are the days I live for!  These are the days when I choose to not be lazy or wish away a particular season.  Instead, I embrace where we are in the moment and be the mommy God designed me to be for my boys. These days are so worth it, easy or not!

So while it’d be nice to have a break in between challenging seasons of life, maybe it’s better to breathe through it and cultivate a growth mindset in the areas God is calling us to mature.  Maybe it’s better to find ways to make the ride fun by singing, dancing, and playing through it so that our, “are we there yet?” turns into “we’re already there?”  Because before we know it, we’re going to stop and look around only to realize that everything looks a little different.

Let’s raise His Mighty Warriors TOGETHER!

Covering Our Students in Prayer

Raising Mighty Warriors

Back to school season is upon us.  For some parents, this has been a long time coming, while for others like myself, the thought of a new school year makes us feel sick to our stomach.

School started for us last Monday. My husband has been back full-time at the high school and my oldest began Kindergarten.  While it’s been nice getting back into a routine, it’s sad that summer seemed to come and go in the blink of an eye!

So how did Kindergarten drop-off go?  Well, the first day was perfect.  We went as a family to see our oldest off.  He was excited and didn’t shed a tear (I can’t say the same was true of myself).  When I went to pick him up that day, he ran over to me and shouted, “school is fun!”  This was music to my ears, but was it too good to be true?  Well, kind of.  The days since then have, overall, gone well.  He’s shed some tears at drop-off but later tells me that he stops crying after “one minute.”  I’ve asked him who or what  makes him feel better after my husband or I say goodbye.  Some days, he tells me Jesus makes him feel better and it melts my heart!  Other days, he tells me he feels better when he starts singing “Uptown Funk” to himself.  Whatever works, right?!

It’s been tough on me sending him to new school this year, but I’ve found so much peace in prayer.  Each morning, my husband and I pray with our son.  I pray with him before he leaves, and my husband prays with him in the car as they drive to school.  I also pray for him throughout the day and have shared with our son that whenever I think about him during the day, I say a prayer that he’s having fun and learning new things.  He loves hearing this!

As we dive into this new school year, I wanted to share some of the prayers I pray over my son:

  • I pray for his safety and the safety of all those who work at and attend the school.
  • I pray for peace among the students.
  • I pray for him to have confidence to make new friends.
  • I pray he has the courage to try new things and learn from his mistakes.
  • I pray he experiences joy in learning.
  • I pray he is diligent in his work and has the desire to focus.
  • I pray he is obedient to his teacher and others in authority.
  • I pray he is able to discern what is of the Lord and what is not of the Lord and that he has the will to choose what is right.
  • I pray that he glorifies the Lord in his words, actions, and thoughts.
  • I pray that he sees those who are scared, lonely, or sad and encourages them.
  • I pray that he is kind to others and that others are kind to him.
  • I pray that he knows his identity in the Lord and is not concerned about what others think of him.
  • I pray he stands up for those who are being bullied.
  • I pray he respects and appreciates others and their cultures, beliefs, and traditions.
  • I pray that he remains enthusiastic in his faith and that his belief never wavers.
  • I pray that he senses the presence of the Lord with him throughout the day.
  • I pray that he puts on the full Armor of God each morning: the belt of truth, the chest plate of righteousness, the shoes of peace, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the spirit (from Ephesians 6:10-20).

In addition to these prayers for my son, I pray daily for the school, for the other students, and for the administration and staff.  I don’t have a specific prayer memorized and there are mornings when I forget to include a couple of these in my prayer.  However, I know that it gives me peace to have these words in my heart throughout the morning as my son is at school.  And I trust that these words will be imprinted on my son’s heart as he hears them repeatedly.

There are so many other things we can be specifically praying over our children for.  Let me know if there’s a prayer you include for your children.

For all of you who will be sending your children back to school in the coming days and weeks, please know my prayers are with you and your kids.  No matter if your children attend private, public, or homeschool, let’s cover them and those around them throughout the year!  They may not be in our hands during the school day, but we can take heart knowing that they are always in the precious hands of our Father!

Let’s raise His mighty warriors TOGETHER!

Practicing Contentment

Raising Mighty Warriors

It’s currently naptime and I was really debating whether or not I should take a nap myself.  Unfortunately, the days of all four boys napping at the same time are becoming fewer.  And while I love to get a quick catnap in to refresh myself for the rest of the day, I also enjoy the peace and quiet of a still house.  So today I’m choosing to unwind by writing.

It’s a Discipline

In different seasons, I have attempted to teach my boys what it means to be content. I’ve learned that this is a difficult concept for the boys to understand.  We’ve talked about being grateful for what we have and not always wanting more.  I’ve tried to teach them to slow down and not always wonder what we’re going to do next.  And we’ve discussed not being jealous about what others have.  It seems simple enough, but the discipline of contentment is tough for all of us and it’s one that needs to be practiced.

I think contentment is often confused with complacency or settling for less than what we desire or deserve.  But this thinking is so flawed.  Settling for something brings bitterness and disappointment, while contentment brings joy and peace.  Instead of drowning ourselves in despair because we are never going to have as much as this person or look as good as that person, we can have peace knowing that God is constantly working in us and through us.  Even, and especially, in those moments when He asks us to be still, the Lord is at work.  We can be confident in knowing that God has our best interest in mind even when we don’t see prosperity in our future.

“Be still, and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10 (NIV)

The Secular Influence

We live in a society where we always want the latest and greatest technology.  We want to go on vacations right now.  We compare what we have to what others have and become jealous and greedy.  It’s that ugly part inside all of us.  I think a lot of times it comes out in our insecurities and the desire to make up for what we lack.

But contentment is not about “playing a part” to make it look like we have everything together.  It’s not about giving up or quitting because we’ll never have what others have.  It’s quite the opposite!  Contentment is about realizing that this is what’s best for us RIGHT NOW.  It’s not about changing our dreams, but about adjusting our expectations.  It’s about realizing our purpose in this season.

Just Be Content

By teaching my sons to have the right attitude and perspective of what it means to be content, they can experience freedom to look forward to what’s next without being consumed by it. At 3 and 5 years-old, this means being content with the lunch they were given instead of asking for more.  It means that the moment we step in the door from playing outside, they resist the urge to ask what we’re going to do next.  It means accepting a “no” or a “not right now” for an answer without becoming upset or disappointed.  This is not an easy concept to teach them, but it’s one I choose to work on with them while they’re young because I know how much it will help them as they grow up.

Another way that I’ve found helps my boys understand contentment is by being intentional with the words and phrases I use around them.  When my oldest asks to go outside but it’s not a good time responding, “that’s a great idea and I’d love to take you outside, but right now I need to put the baby down for a nap,” is better accepted than, “no.”  Validating kid’s requests and desires is important as it teaches them how God values every one of our thoughts and desires.  It lets them know that they are being heard even if their request isn’t met.

Practice

Personally, I’ve gone through plenty of seasons of discontentment.  Some were shorter than others.  Coming out of those seasons is tough.  It ALWAYS happens not when all my desires were met, but when I change my attitude and allow myself to be still and trust God.  It’s when I choose joy and hope instead of despair.  It’s when I choose to live instead of sulk.  It’s when I pray and seek to find my purpose in the present.  And it’s when I choose to wipe off the smudges on my glasses that are clouding my view to experience life more vividly!  These are the lessons I hope to teach and model for my sons now.  By planting these seeds, my prayer is that they’ll practice this discipline daily and find freedom and joy in being content in the Lord.

Let’s raise His mighty warriors TOGETHER!

Parenting from the Deep End

Raising Mighty Warriors

I love summer!  I love that my husband has a few weeks off so we get to spend more time together as a family.  I love all the seasonal fruits and vegetables.  I love lounging by the pool, going to parks, roasting marshmallows over a campfire, and wearing flip flops (although living in California, I get to wear flip flops year-round)!  And swimming has always been one of my favorite summer activities.

I grew up going to our family cottage as well as other beaches and spending all day in the water.  But now that I have kids, gone are the days of mindlessly floating in the middle of the lake for hours. Instead, I usually have one baby in my arms and I’m close by the others who are still learning how to swim. Pool days are a little less relaxing and a lot more splashing!

The Deep End

It’s actually the very picture that sums up my life these days.  As a mom, I’ve traded in my personal time and space for being called on at all hours of the day (and night) and being followed around by my littles.  My time has become their time, and that’s a tough inner-battle to fight.  I naturally want to give all of me to my husband and my children, but I also want to have enough left for myself.  And it’s not a selfish thing to desire, but often guilt creeps in and makes it feel as if it is!  If you’re like me, you know what I’m talking about.

But I can’t keep parenting from the deep end.  I can’t allow myself to constantly feel as though I’m treading water as I attempt to keep up with our busy schedule.

You know the feeling?  It’s exhausting having all your energy depleted as you make meals, do the dishes, grocery shop, keep up with laundry, make deadlines at work, schedule doctor appointments, plan birthday parties, respond to emails, return phone calls, save time to bathe the kids before bed, and so much more!  And yet, what joy, if any, are we experiencing if that’s what our days have become?  And even more, what joy are we sharing with our kids if all they see is the mom who has a strict agenda to keep?

I’m over here raising my hand right now because I know I am so guilty of this. I’m guilty of telling my son I’m looking at what he drew only to have my eyes on my phone.  I’m guilty of standing in the kitchen triple-checking my to-do list instead of spending time on the floor with my baby.  I’m guilty of turning the TV on for the boys so I can fold a load of laundry without little hands unfolding what I just finished folding.  I’m guilty of yelling more times than I’d like to admit in a day because I’m taking my feelings of being overwhelmed out on my sons.

I’m sure we all go through seasons like this.  And it’s so difficult to keep the guilt from turning to shame.  But we can’t let ourselves go there.  Allow yourself to have an off day, week, or season.  Recognize it for what it is, give yourself some grace, and move on.  But don’t let yourself get stuck in that place!  Lean on your mom, sisters, or friends to help you through those times so that you don’t allow those seasons to define who you are as a mother.

Plans Change

When we returned from vacation a few weeks ago, I found myself in one of those seasons.  I was trying to play catch up after being away for a few weeks, and my to-do list was growing by the second with grocery shopping, paying bills, and cleaning.  Emotionally, I was down after leaving family and I found myself being very short with my boys.  Unfortunately for them, my frustration was coming without much warning or explanation. At the end of the days, I was frustrated with myself for yelling throughout the day and not showing them much patience.

After sharing my frustrations with my husband, I decided I’d plan a fun day with them and not worry about my to-do list.  Originally, I had planned to take them to the mall for Build-A-Bear’s “Pay Your Age Day,” but because that was a bust (luckily a woman in the mall parking lot told me not to even bother going in because of the long lines), I let them pick out a park to go to instead.  Everyone was having fun at the park until I heard my two year-old crying going down the slide.  I picked him up and held him until he started to relax.  But when I went to set him down, he started crying even harder and wouldn’t put any weight on his injured leg.  I knew immediately something wasn’t right.  Long story short, the x-rays showed a spiral fracture in his leg and into a cast he went.

While having a toddler with a broken leg has created many challenges for our family, it’s also slowed us down.  And frankly, we needed that right now.  My husband is back at work, my oldest is about to start kindergarten, and we just needed to relax for a bit together and have fun!  I’m not celebrating the injury, but I am celebrating the opportunity to slow our lives down and refocus our priorities.  In these last 10 days, I’ve been able to snuggle with my two year-old so much!  I’ve been able to help the older two boys be creative in finding games and activities to play with their injured brother.  We’ve gone on more walks which is something I had been wanting to get back into.

Taking Hold of Him

Luckily it doesn’t always take something traumatic to pull us out of a rough season.  Sometimes it’s something we read or a conversation we have.  Other times it’s a song we hear or an event we experience.  But in each circumstance I am confident that God is the orchestrator.  He sees us in the seasons we are proud of as well as the seasons we feel guilty about.  He sees us losing energy, treading water in the deep end as we try to do it all alone.  And He throws us a float.  God gracefully offers us a way out so that we can stand on firm ground, confident in who we are as a mother.

When we allow God room to work in our heart, we can fully experience the joy that comes from resting in Him.  What better gift can we give our children than the gift of sharing the joy of the Lord with them?  This comes by giving them our full attention when we say we’re listening, by having a good attitude about playing with them even when the timing is not ideal, by using a kind tone when we speak to them, and by loving them through their own daily battles.

I find that on the days when I choose to seek the Lord’s joy throughout the day, my sons are better behaved, I feel more energized, and everything else falls into place.  It doesn’t mean the day is perfect or that my sons do no wrong.  But it helps me see everything through a new lens and, therefore, find the beauty and good in each circumstance.  I’m able to laugh more and love better.

A few years ago, someone shared this quote with me, “Let go of the day you planned and embrace the one you’ve been given.”  What a wonderful change in perspective not only for a particular day, but also for particular seasons of life that aren’t going quite as we envisioned! My prayer is that we can all recognize where we are in this season and make necessary changes to allow God’s joy to overflow in us and radiate to others!

Let’s raise His Mighty Warriors TOGETHER!