Finding Your Tribe

I have said it before, and I’ll never tire of saying it again…when you become a mommy, find your tribe!  If you’re already a mom, it’s never too late if you haven’t found yours already.

What’s this “tribe” I speak of?  It’s your support network.  It’s the moms you can rely on to pick up your child from preschool because your baby got sick.  It’s the friend you meet for ice cream after the kids go to bed.  It’s the moms you meet at the park for a playdate, as much for yourselves as for your kids to play.  It’s the shoulders you cry on when being a mom is feeling too overwhelming.

And the best part?! Your tribe will get it every.single.time!  These moms understand whining and tantrums.  They get the endless to-do list and the feeling of drowning in household chores.  They relate to the busy schedules of husbands and the challenges of marriage.  And they share in your sorrows and your joys.

I believe this group, however big or small, is crucial for all moms whether they work in the home or out of the home.  The women in your tribe may change in different seasons of your life or you may have them around for life.  Either way, it’s okay!

After joining my first mom’s group at our former church (see more in my Raising Mighty Warriors blog post) and finally getting to know some of the women, my husband and I moved to a new city about an hour away.  While this was a great move for our family, I found myself feeling lonely.  At this point we had a one and a half year-old son and I was 6 months pregnant with our second son.

About two months later and just a few weeks before our son was due, I found a mom’s group at our new church.  Like I did the first time at our former church, I convinced my introvert self to go and see what it was all about.  Once again, I was slightly intimidated and nervous, but almost four years later I can say that it was one of the better decisions I’ve made as a mom!

Yes, it’s super awkward putting yourself out there and meeting new moms.  For introverts like myself, it is unnatural and incredibly uncomfortable.  Oftentimes, we walk into a group like this and many of the moms already know each other.  It’s like the first day of high school all over again!  Ugh, that makes me feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it!  But I’ve found that with an open attitude and a whole lot of prayer, it’s not that bad.

The hardest but most important part?  Keep going back!  If you don’t meet your best friend the first week, don’t be discouraged.  Go back!  Honestly, it’ll probably takes weeks, maybe months to connect on a more than superficial level.  Maybe it’ll only be with one mom from the group.  But do you know what?  That’s one more mom on your team than you had before.

Maybe you’re blessed and live close by your sisters, sister-in-laws, cousins, or best friends.  Maybe these women already make up your tribe and you don’t need to rely on others.  Can I challenge you with something? Look for moms who don’t have the luxury of family and friends near by and invite them in.  I can promise you that they are desperate for some mommy friends!

Maybe a church group isn’t for you or your church doesn’t have one.  That’s fine too!  Find, or start, a local moms playgroup at a park.  Or just take your kids to the park and instead of sitting on a bench by yourself scrolling through social media (I’m guilty of this too), reach out to another mom there and engage in conversation.  Again, awkward for many of us?  Absolutely!  Will it lead to a long-term friendship?  Not always, but what if it does?

Maybe it’s an online community to start.  Great!  Start there. Maybe your kids are in school or are involved in extra-curricular activities.  Can you take that uncomfortable step to introduce yourself to the parents of the other kids?  It might just be worth it.

If you’re feeling stuck in this area, I’d love for you to reach out to me and we can brainstorm some other ideas.  But I promise you, finding your tribe will make a world of difference in being your best mommy self!

I’d love to hear from those of you who already have your tribe!  Where did you find the women you do life with?  Please share in the comments.

Let’s raise His mighty warriors (our sons and our daughters) TOGETHER!

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